I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
