I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
