I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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