it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
