plz talk dirty to me
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
