if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
