Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
There's even glitter on my cock...
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