Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
