What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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