tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
