I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
