Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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