wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
