ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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