I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
