Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
