And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
