I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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