The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
