matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
