If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
