It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
