I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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