the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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