And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Plan B is the new Plan A
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
