the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
