Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Randomize
