I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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