We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
