Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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