I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
