i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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