o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
