so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
