'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
