I puked a lego.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
