the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
