Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
