I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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