so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She's the barista slut.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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