I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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