So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
