i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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