Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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