What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
