I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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