Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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