Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This baby is an asshole
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
