oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
