I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
