Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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