Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
